Reflections

(comic from April 2018)

This blog is ancient and full of equally ancient art (the fact my last posts were about my accepted Sheridan portfolio and finishing my biomed degree is telling, haha) but I told myself I'd write this and I feel like it's important (to me) to document this.

(disclaimer: in the process of digging up this blog I stumbled upon a lot of private blog posts from my time at Melbourne University, McGill, and my transition to Sheridan/first year, and I'm also listening to Rhye, so I'm perhaps a little too melancholy to be writing this right now but hey! No time like the present.)

So Sheridan Animation - and hopefully my time in formal education - is over. The program challenged me in far more ways than one. Leaving home and relationships to jet off to the other side of the world... it was awfully difficult. And being back home in Melbourne at the moment to briefly visit family/friends before I begin work in Toronto, I'm still struggling with the decision to sacrifice so much. In the four years of my second degree I made countless mistakes - both creatively and personally - and far too often I questioned the sanity of the jump to both Canada and a creative field.

I've had a rocky relationship with art: from trudging through a no-drawing-on-weekdays ban for 5 years and the resulting low confidence in my abilities (even feeling like saying the very word "art" was taboo), to coming to terms with the unstable career prospects especially in Australia, I denied it for the longest time. Practicing in a creative industry is also so far removed from the rigorous academic training I received for almost two decades, and it's incredibly taxing - mentally and emotionally - to put a piece of yourself into everything you create, risking the feeling of rejection not only of your work, but of that personal connection that you've imbued into it.

(comic from July 2015)

However, I'm boundlessly glad that I finally pursued art. While I still struggle with self-doubt, I feel like I'm slowly starting to find my footing, and I'm (almost!) 100% sure that this is what I want to do for a least a decent portion of my lifetime, even if I'm not certain what particular discipline I want to follow. I'm excited and terrified at the same time of the prospects of the future, but I'm grateful for all the opportunities I've received as well as for all the people whose support and love enabled me to reach this point.

I only hope that I can make them proud.

Being home for these past few weeks has acutely refreshed and reset my priorities. While my career goals are still a little hazy, I know for sure that in this next chapter of my life I want to improve as a person; to accept and learn from my shortcomings and failures, to remain calm in the face of trials - especially the situations I can't control - and to surrender myself to the flow of life and embrace everything that may happen, both good and bad. I want to expand my horizons; to make a positive difference in the lives of both my friends and complete strangers.

 I want to become a better artist; to improve my craft so it can take me further. I remain cautiously optimistic about the industry in Australia, my home (insert Qantas ad children's choir here).

And in both areas - as both a person and as an artist - my ultimate goal is to inspire others to also become better (and perhaps they're intertwined?). One of the most rewarding parts of my life so far has been in the form of people mentioning how I've inspired them, which makes me so humbled and grateful. If I can continue this, my life will move one big step towards being one of fulfillment and worth.

To endings, and new beginnings!